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Resonate: Gavin DeGraw - Belief

To whomever reading this, know that I love you.

Because I'm awake at 2.31a.m. Because my face is red and dark and hot. Because of my wet keyboard. Because I miss my brother all too much. Because I'm going to miss KJJ. Because I'm going to miss all of them. Because I'm a mess. Because all I want to do now is tell everyone how much I love them. Because I can't put it verbally, I'm telling you now, I love you.

You don't need to know me. Hell, you've just stumbled here by Googling FFXII for all I know. But because I could go any time, even though I don't want to, I just need to get one thing laid down. I love all of you. And I'll miss you even if I've never met you.

I'm tired with the straight face attitude. I'm not strong, I can't keep saying "It'll be okay" because I don't know that although there's a huge part of me, no matter how much I try to push away, keeps coming back to tell me one thing, it's going to anything but okay and I'm going to go through hell next year without familiar faces. Like I've said before, I'm not like some people, I can't/don't make friends easily but if I did, they'll last for so long that when it's actually time to go, I can't bring myself to say goodbye because it hurts too much like having 1/2 of your breathing cut short.

I'm not strong, I'm only pretending.

Remember last year on May 1st? When I was fine at church. I was holding a basket full of flowers, and I smiled like everything was okay. I even said "Duty calls".

That was a lie.

'If I put on my strong face on, they would look at me and say "If she can be strong, why can't I?" and stop crying.'

But I couldn't afterwards and I failed. I cried and became angry with myself because I allowed myself to look so weak and vulnerable and I didn't do enough to make anyone feel better.

I don't mind crying alone. I mind everyone else crying alone.

This is a curse. But I'm only human.

Right?

Sorry you're such a sap, self.

DAMN IT.

Currently having a Texas-sized headache that's been going for 4 days, since Grandmum came back from Penang to...our house. I'd be much happier just crawling up in a corner and crying because it hurts.so.damn.bloody.much but I'd be at my happiest playing Birth By Sleep. An added fact, that game is too awesome to let go. Granted, SPM isn't going to get further any time soon but I've been balancing it out. Thanks to my 'Responsible Routine', internet time's been cut 2 hours too. But yes, I'm on Twitter and my geeky websites every single day notwithstanding the reduced time yo~ I be pimpin'

I just realized how embarrassing that sounds after 2 years. Oh well, at least I have 3 other people to be embarrassed with.

Tsk

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Resonate: Kina Grannis & David Choi - My Time With You

This song is so damn cute, man. They make such a good duo. And yeah, this is my front-running song for Grad Night.

Hey 친구, you're scaring me lah. I wish I could just give you a hug. Takpa, HUGS anyway. 건배? :)

There we go.

Went on a spree today. ;D

//

I want to be able to say "I want you every single day, one night more than forever"

PASTA

PASTA

PASTA

PASTA

iLove this show, man.

Méprise

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Resonate: Regina Spektor - Fidelity

OH HELL.

I have a tapping feeling that our AddMaths papers are going to come back tomorrow, slapping me to the rediscovery that a.I suck at AddMaths. and b.I should have studied more. Here's to NOT taking Add Maths for granted the next next time around, loves.

I don't make wish lists [Shut up, I.], at least not under usual circumstances. But ah...here goes. Also, people need to be edified on bandeau dresses. (I'll take a look at this list if and when [by God's grace] I'm well to do next time] ;D

1. A BANDEAU DRESS for grad night <-- cocky, MGS-ian way of saying prom, sans date [at least not of the opposite sex heh.] Preferably the rose-coloured one from TopShop. It's CHEAP! 2. Brian Atwood pumps. Or those incredibly pretty Sergio Rossi pumps that are too high, I'm pretty sure the price could pay for my future college fees and also, I honestly don't know which collection are they from.

3. BIRTH BY SLEEP DAMMIT. I swear to God with this whole issue of my PS2 KAPOW-ing on me and yes I'm aware that's not the noise a PS2 makes when it gives up and added to the fact that thank to my PS2's demise, I can't play any damn game displayed on the TV [which my dad changed and is now bigger woohoo!], I am THIS *metaphoric inch* close to practicing RPG-celibacy.

Also, I'm kind of done with playing RPGs on my PSP. There's just no fun in playing in a screen that's smaller than my palm. <-- Totally unrelated but HOLY CRAP, SINCE WHEN ARE MY PALMS THAT BIG?! FUHML.

I hope to God that when I'm 20 or 21, I won't look back at this blog, think what the hell was going on through my head when I measured my PSP's screen with my palm and wonder if those 'lost years' were really spent on popping pills and blogging every 4 weeks with mediocre English. Or crummy, take your pick, future-self.

I might just have a sense of pride for it.

No, not really. I'm only going to laugh. ;)