Start hell singing: The All-American Rejects - The Last Song
I'm not angry, okay? I'm not depressed. I don't know what to feel and I'm just numb, I guess. Go about the whole day, and it doesn't even appear at the back of your head, and when you hit the pillow, it claws you the in the most painful way possible.. I can't say that's not what I want, to go about not thinking of it, that nothing happened, pretension to the fullest.. But at the same time, it claws me to think that I don't want to have any connection with what has happened. It's as if I'm voluntarily withdrawing with my past.
I don't want to remember, that's my problem. And I'll admit, hands down, I am in denial.
It's not like I can't accept it, I've already done that. I guess I'm just too bloody caught up with trying to satiate my ego that I don't want to admit it. It's accepted, yeah. Admitted, no. Possibly not. If I did admit it, I know I would've stopped crying a long time ago. But by the looks of it, isn't it obvious?
And there's the whole issue of the skeptics. Acceptance is fine, it's the lingering, vicious feeling of doubt that's not. It doesn't help when you've accepted everything only to spend eons doubting it later on. This sounds odd, but maybe that trace of doubt's the one that's still keeping me sane. So yeah, thanks, skeptical self.
Mind you, I hate crying to the core. I cry when I'm angry, not depressed. So that's it isn't it? I'm hostile. Issues, lol.
I need mindnumbing toxins, and I mean that in the most literal way possible.. I wouldn't have to deal with the truth, nor with the stupid world
This is such a self-contradicting post.
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