When someone's taking the initiative to rebuild and patch up those little cracks in a foundation, you don't march your freaking ass in, pirouette yourself stomping on the sandbags as you go and kick the freaking "Repair mode" of those cracks in the ass. You don't unless you're an unappreciative lazy git who only whines when it's broken but is dis-compassionately happy with breaking it over and over again.
Again, to these people who I've grown so accustomed to heaving a sigh and muttering "They're like this, leave it", please march 10 steps forward, dig a hole a kilometer deep, bury yourself and never come out.
In layman terms, please take the first exit to hell, mofo.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Oh whai.
I'm running out of different ways to say "Haha okay lol whatever"/ phrases resonating passive-aggressive tones of "You're an idiot and you should go to hell."
Sometimes, you analyse a situation when your mind's a lot clearer, given the fact there's a higher sense of clarity and a lower percentage of being an impulse driven hormone monster.. Sometimes also, you end up with situations that no given amount of thinking about can possibly dissect the rationale behind a specific course of action taken.
Like choosing a video game over a short conversation with a friend or girlfriend or whatnot.
It's very hard not to want to walk around with a bat aptly titled "The Cure" where you go around hitting complete idiots like the aforementioned in the heads where they deserve it.
Idiots.
LOURDES OUT!
Sometimes, you analyse a situation when your mind's a lot clearer, given the fact there's a higher sense of clarity and a lower percentage of being an impulse driven hormone monster.. Sometimes also, you end up with situations that no given amount of thinking about can possibly dissect the rationale behind a specific course of action taken.
Like choosing a video game over a short conversation with a friend or girlfriend or whatnot.
It's very hard not to want to walk around with a bat aptly titled "The Cure" where you go around hitting complete idiots like the aforementioned in the heads where they deserve it.
Idiots.
LOURDES OUT!
Monday, November 4, 2013
Daughter is my Medicine
I have this really bad tendency to sorta 'hide' bands I really like, sometimes. The furthest I'll go is sharing songs with my closest friends and since we're being honest, I share them on Facebook to get points for having awesome taste in music although I'm pretty sure out of 500 friends, only 2 will listen.
I'm an attention whore who won't admit it, there I said it.
Presenting DAUGHTER, a band I've feverishly 'hid' for 2 years. They've accompanied me through 2 heartbreaks and a period of time when I was actually pretty content but sought reasons to be miserable because I'm masochistic like that. Source of inspiration for my numerous high-waisted shorts and leggings ensembles and the sole reason I've started learning the guitar.
(No, it's not because I had a revelation that I was grossly untalented and needed at least SOMETHING. No, no.)
There's a common misconception that Daughter is just made up of Elena since well, she's a she and daughters are shes. Daughter's actually made up of three people: Elena, her equally talented boyfriend Igor and Remi, a drumming juggernaut.
I was first acquainted with them through Youth, this gorgeous piece that starts out slightly folk and transcends into rushing drum beats while Elena's lovely voice and the bass [bassline? I'm not good with music terms D:] melt together into an unwaveringly strong combo of hopeless yearning and umm, pain. Pretty sad lyrics for a song that sounds upbeat enough.
Righto. So after falling in love with Youth, I moved onto the entirety of His Young Heart EP and The Wild Youth EP. Candles and Love were played repeatedly for 7 months, I kid you not. You can guess how ecstatic I was when their album, If You Leave was announced.
 |
| MORE music to accompany me crying myself to sleep at night? GIMME. |
The type that doesn't leave a superficial impression but one that shakes your bones. The type where each song is consciously associated with a distant memory whenever you listen.
But I digress! Their live performance at KEXP is brilliant enough to make you love them if you're a bit lazy to give all songs a listen. Unsurprisingly, they sound amazing live. Pay special attention to Smother, YOU'LL KNOW. YOU'LL DEFINITELY KNOW.
Chillstep remix of Youth.
In the spirit of pimping out my favourite band, here's a cover of Get Lucky that a Youtuber described as :
""Get Lucky" by Daft Punk: your basic nu-disco "up with our glasses, down with our pants" song.
"Get Lucky" by Daughter: creepy-as-hell story of a confused woman being led through a noisy, crowded club in a roofie haze"
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Surrounding.
"Blah blah blah no one speaks to me blah blah they're all speaking in Mandarin why am I so friendless blah blah blah I hate dinner with people blah please talk to me blah blah I would like to be included in this conversation blah blah I need a life and more nights alone I need friends blah blah blah"
Virtually every dinner night. LOL. The problem with me is that if there was an award for Person With Unwarrantably High Expectations, I would definitely win it But you know, I..just expect people to be a little more conversational with me. Bah. Whatever. Who am I to expect anything out of them?
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
HI BEST FRIEND.
Dear Lord, thank you for this awesomeworcestershire person. The person who'll happily bring me down to Earth when I need to be. The person who's probably the most constant being in my life.. Thank you. Also the person who'll happily tell me when I've lost or gained weight because she's that awesome and we hardly see each other nowadays
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Festina lente.
Now Playing : Stromae - Alors on Danse
I find it a little sad that the only time I'm bothered to update my blog is when I'm incredibly upset, when my Twitter feed is already being inundated with "WOE-IS-ME" updates and I, thinking I shouldn't add to that, resort to my little bastard stepchild of a blog to vent. I suck as a blogger, there I said it.
I was thinking of posting something on my semester break, in the midst of which I celebrated my *drum rolls* 20th year of existence! Then again, I remembered how I anologised my birthday : A really sad colour gradient of black and white, with no other colour in between. Basically, it ranged from boring to godawful to painfully awkward. Luckily, Aaron came to Ipoh and despite how our Penang plans got flushed down the proverbial toilet, he and I commemorated our 10th month together by making sinfully delicious hamburgers.
(Before you launch off thinking "Monthsaries, REALLY?!", it..really wasn't. They're just milestones, you know? I'm in my first relationship ever and these little things some people dismiss as stupid and redundant mean more than nothing to me. Benchmarks of how far you've come, little reminders. Still, I wouldn't do the whole "HAPPY 10TH MONTHSARY SWEETIE HERE'S A PICTURE OF US ON YOUR WALL AND I'LL PROCEED WITH GRATUITOUSLY POSTING I LOVE YOU 10 TIMES ON MY FACEBOOK")
The rest of my semester break was spent being guilt-tripped and that usually, okay no, ALWAYS ended with me caving into everyone else's demands, completely alienating my own wants and needs. Honestly, I could've gone and had a kickass time in Penang for my birthday had I not succumbed to their whole passive-aggressive, self-serving, guilt-tripping-you-to-hell agenda.
Anyhooooodle, 3 weeks passed and now I'm back for my second year. I'd never imagined 3 trimesters would pass staggeringly fast but it has. I'm thankful God was with me throughout every terrible day, every stinking lecture and lunch break I had to sit alone through, every tutorial question that had me wanting to rip out my hair, cramming for finals, my 7 week long mid-term and most importantly, the times I just wanted to give up and off myself. I'll admit I never noticed Him and the people He'd sent to me, I was always crying out asking why I felt so repudiated and ignored. In the spirit of being open [Annnnnd convinced no one is going to read this], I went so low I actually cut myself. I know, it's an immensely stupid act. I was immensely stupid. I was so engrossed by my own limitations and issues that I resorted to doing something completely unhelpful, swayed by the idea that cutting myself was some medium of coping and now, now I have scars to remind me of how my problems never went away until I got up and dealt with them, however weakly and with however small a success.
That's the thing, isn't it? We get so caught up with our problems we completely ignore the fact we're being helped. In some way or another, there's someone who WANTS to help you and probably is, a friend, a family member, God or at one point, my unsuspecting housemate. If I had turned to my best friends, my dad or Aaron, I wouldn't have felt so ostracized. I probably would've saved a lot of money buy anti-scarring creams as well har har.
The reason why I never actually wanted to talk about whatever difficulty I was having was because I'd always thought that people have their own issues to tend to and mine, however nerve-wracking, shouldn't be appended to their list. But they're people close to you for a reason, as you are to them. You've been placed in their life for a reason and vice versa. You might be their voice of optimism while they provide you a humbling sense of realism. They have PS3s, you have an Xbox.
I'm not saying relationships should be based on barter system, of course. Far from that. What I'm saying is that there's absolutely nothing wrong in talking to someone. Never ever be persuaded into thinking that it's not okay to not be okay [Holy triple negative] and that the people closest to you WILL judge you for being so. You trust them for a reason, as they you. Talk, when you feel lonely. Talk when you feel helpless. Talk, even if it's not a cry for help. Talk to them about their days. Talk to them about that funny time a barista misspelled your name.
Never ever stop trying to keep that relationship intact.
There's nothing wrong with that. You're doing good.
I find it a little sad that the only time I'm bothered to update my blog is when I'm incredibly upset, when my Twitter feed is already being inundated with "WOE-IS-ME" updates and I, thinking I shouldn't add to that, resort to my little bastard stepchild of a blog to vent. I suck as a blogger, there I said it.
I was thinking of posting something on my semester break, in the midst of which I celebrated my *drum rolls* 20th year of existence! Then again, I remembered how I anologised my birthday : A really sad colour gradient of black and white, with no other colour in between. Basically, it ranged from boring to godawful to painfully awkward. Luckily, Aaron came to Ipoh and despite how our Penang plans got flushed down the proverbial toilet, he and I commemorated our 10th month together by making sinfully delicious hamburgers.
(Before you launch off thinking "Monthsaries, REALLY?!", it..really wasn't. They're just milestones, you know? I'm in my first relationship ever and these little things some people dismiss as stupid and redundant mean more than nothing to me. Benchmarks of how far you've come, little reminders. Still, I wouldn't do the whole "HAPPY 10TH MONTHSARY SWEETIE HERE'S A PICTURE OF US ON YOUR WALL AND I'LL PROCEED WITH GRATUITOUSLY POSTING I LOVE YOU 10 TIMES ON MY FACEBOOK")
The rest of my semester break was spent being guilt-tripped and that usually, okay no, ALWAYS ended with me caving into everyone else's demands, completely alienating my own wants and needs. Honestly, I could've gone and had a kickass time in Penang for my birthday had I not succumbed to their whole passive-aggressive, self-serving, guilt-tripping-you-to-hell agenda.
Anyhooooodle, 3 weeks passed and now I'm back for my second year. I'd never imagined 3 trimesters would pass staggeringly fast but it has. I'm thankful God was with me throughout every terrible day, every stinking lecture and lunch break I had to sit alone through, every tutorial question that had me wanting to rip out my hair, cramming for finals, my 7 week long mid-term and most importantly, the times I just wanted to give up and off myself. I'll admit I never noticed Him and the people He'd sent to me, I was always crying out asking why I felt so repudiated and ignored. In the spirit of being open [Annnnnd convinced no one is going to read this], I went so low I actually cut myself. I know, it's an immensely stupid act. I was immensely stupid. I was so engrossed by my own limitations and issues that I resorted to doing something completely unhelpful, swayed by the idea that cutting myself was some medium of coping and now, now I have scars to remind me of how my problems never went away until I got up and dealt with them, however weakly and with however small a success.
That's the thing, isn't it? We get so caught up with our problems we completely ignore the fact we're being helped. In some way or another, there's someone who WANTS to help you and probably is, a friend, a family member, God or at one point, my unsuspecting housemate. If I had turned to my best friends, my dad or Aaron, I wouldn't have felt so ostracized. I probably would've saved a lot of money buy anti-scarring creams as well har har.
The reason why I never actually wanted to talk about whatever difficulty I was having was because I'd always thought that people have their own issues to tend to and mine, however nerve-wracking, shouldn't be appended to their list. But they're people close to you for a reason, as you are to them. You've been placed in their life for a reason and vice versa. You might be their voice of optimism while they provide you a humbling sense of realism. They have PS3s, you have an Xbox.
I'm not saying relationships should be based on barter system, of course. Far from that. What I'm saying is that there's absolutely nothing wrong in talking to someone. Never ever be persuaded into thinking that it's not okay to not be okay [Holy triple negative] and that the people closest to you WILL judge you for being so. You trust them for a reason, as they you. Talk, when you feel lonely. Talk when you feel helpless. Talk, even if it's not a cry for help. Talk to them about their days. Talk to them about that funny time a barista misspelled your name.
Never ever stop trying to keep that relationship intact.
There's nothing wrong with that. You're doing good.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
You called her a bitch
You called her an 'attention-whoring' slut.
You called her a mean girl.
You called her a stupid little party girl.
And now you're best friends?
See, /this/ is why I don't like speaking to you, my dear. Your impulsiveness and flitting perspective of people is scary, and I wouldn't want to subject myself to being one of your "one minute best friend, one minute bitch" phases. Grow up, you silly little girl.
You called her an 'attention-whoring' slut.
You called her a mean girl.
You called her a stupid little party girl.
And now you're best friends?
See, /this/ is why I don't like speaking to you, my dear. Your impulsiveness and flitting perspective of people is scary, and I wouldn't want to subject myself to being one of your "one minute best friend, one minute bitch" phases. Grow up, you silly little girl.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Why am I vague and pointless?
Unless we are completely immersed, we hardly realize the impact our words may have on people. To some, "You look like you put on weight!" is nothing more than jest. For the feverishly insecure girl, those seven words are a call for her to go on crash diet till she loses those pesky pounds.
"You've gone darker!" A compliment for someone yearning a tan. A slap on the face for someone who's been plagued with racist insults, brainwashed by mass media and society telling you FAIR = BEAUTIFUL.
"Can you be a useful human for once?". A harmless joke, nothing more than teasing. But for the boy who fractured his legs and is unable to move more than foot, they are words with gravity.
The list is exhaustive.
I suppose we can never ever choose our words perfectly because try as you may, somewhere down the line, we all end up offending somebody.
I was thinking of this, maybe it's political correctness and etiquette gone too far but how and where exactly can you draw the line? Of course, some things are just glaringly clear and rude. You can't say "My internet is being gay!" without sounding like a..prick because examining it at face value would just tell you that your internet has suddenly adopted homosexual tendencies, a very unlikely scenario.
When did the word "gay" suddenly become synonymous with derogatory insults like "stupid" or "slow"?
Can you imagine if someone were to use "straight" in place of "gay"?
Exactly.
"You've gone darker!" A compliment for someone yearning a tan. A slap on the face for someone who's been plagued with racist insults, brainwashed by mass media and society telling you FAIR = BEAUTIFUL.
"Can you be a useful human for once?". A harmless joke, nothing more than teasing. But for the boy who fractured his legs and is unable to move more than foot, they are words with gravity.
The list is exhaustive.
I suppose we can never ever choose our words perfectly because try as you may, somewhere down the line, we all end up offending somebody.
I was thinking of this, maybe it's political correctness and etiquette gone too far but how and where exactly can you draw the line? Of course, some things are just glaringly clear and rude. You can't say "My internet is being gay!" without sounding like a..prick because examining it at face value would just tell you that your internet has suddenly adopted homosexual tendencies, a very unlikely scenario.
 |
| Streamyx to Unifi :D |
Can you imagine if someone were to use "straight" in place of "gay"?
Exactly.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Talking about you.
Now listening : Clazziquai - Blessed
GREETING CIVILIANS.
I have decided to take a short trip to this wasteland because I'm grown weary of my futile efforts to study for upcoming tests.
That is a lie. I've been studying quite a bit. Linear algebra ["Hur hur, bra"] test is on Wednesday so now I've reached a point where I can't even look at a square bracket without thinking of augmented matrices. This, this is an accomplishment, somewhat.
So I've been cooking a lot this past month. A lot.
And then there was the terrible haze stemming from illegal slashing & burning forests in Indonesia. This was nothing compared to Singapore, my aunt suffering from bronchitis had to be admitted. Bloody hell. I can't comprehend how people can even do such things without any fear of the aftereffects. I get that they're trying to make a living but at the expense of other people's health, nature's health? It's unbelievable. To think there was an Indonesian minister who told Singaporeans to quit whining and I quote "stop acting like babies", it bothers me that there are people that crude running a country. I don't think these are the people any right minded person would've have elected into office.
It was impossible to see past a 200 meter mark.
So yesterday Aaron and I went to help out Pastor Rho and some Korean missionaries to paint a Myanmar refugee centre[?] in Ampang. Naturally, I didn't come back clean but at least we made some new friends although for the life of me, I can't remember their names. They were lovely people, very friendly and uggghhh, they kept on paying for everything which made me swear off buying anything at that moment. Damn paiseh, I'll pay for my stuff lah :(
They tried out durian ice-cream and obviously, their faces went from gleeful anticipation [ :D ] to OH GOD NO NEVER GET IT AWAY FROM ME [ D: ] within 5 seconds. They were trying to convince us that they really liked it but we assured them a lot of Malaysians can't even eat durian with straight faces, so it's okay. Personally though, I don't really like durian. It's not the smell or the taste, it's just not what I like. I prefer something more juicy :D Didn't take any pictures of them. Lol
I love how in 4 hours, I met people who were a gazillion times friendlier than some of the people I've been meeting within the past year.
GREETING CIVILIANS.
I have decided to take a short trip to this wasteland because I'm grown weary of my futile efforts to study for upcoming tests.
That is a lie. I've been studying quite a bit. Linear algebra ["Hur hur, bra"] test is on Wednesday so now I've reached a point where I can't even look at a square bracket without thinking of augmented matrices. This, this is an accomplishment, somewhat.
 |
| My healthy carbonara with extra bacon. SEE THE OXYMORON |
 |
| Scrambled eggs and bacon. "It's not burnt, it's the texture." |
 |
| Then I eat a shitload of instant noodles and I'm sure you can gather now that I'm morbidly addicted to processed food |
 |
| I quickly realize how unhealthy instant noodles are, so I eat pasta instead. |
 |
| Baked red velvet cupcakes that were awesome. |
 |
| FOR HEALTH!!!! |
And then there was the terrible haze stemming from illegal slashing & burning forests in Indonesia. This was nothing compared to Singapore, my aunt suffering from bronchitis had to be admitted. Bloody hell. I can't comprehend how people can even do such things without any fear of the aftereffects. I get that they're trying to make a living but at the expense of other people's health, nature's health? It's unbelievable. To think there was an Indonesian minister who told Singaporeans to quit whining and I quote "stop acting like babies", it bothers me that there are people that crude running a country. I don't think these are the people any right minded person would've have elected into office. 
It was impossible to see past a 200 meter mark.
So yesterday Aaron and I went to help out Pastor Rho and some Korean missionaries to paint a Myanmar refugee centre[?] in Ampang. Naturally, I didn't come back clean but at least we made some new friends although for the life of me, I can't remember their names. They were lovely people, very friendly and uggghhh, they kept on paying for everything which made me swear off buying anything at that moment. Damn paiseh, I'll pay for my stuff lah :(
They tried out durian ice-cream and obviously, their faces went from gleeful anticipation [ :D ] to OH GOD NO NEVER GET IT AWAY FROM ME [ D: ] within 5 seconds. They were trying to convince us that they really liked it but we assured them a lot of Malaysians can't even eat durian with straight faces, so it's okay. Personally though, I don't really like durian. It's not the smell or the taste, it's just not what I like. I prefer something more juicy :D Didn't take any pictures of them. Lol
 |
| My knight in Converse. |
 |
| On the way to KLCC. Yup, one eye of mine is conspicuously smaller than the other. :D |
 |
| And then I hit my head. |
 |
| See, friends! up there! I didn't make them up! |
 |
| The right people. |
I love how in 4 hours, I met people who were a gazillion times friendlier than some of the people I've been meeting within the past year.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Don't you put me in the backburner.
I should refrain from being on social media during my period.
I clicked and now I just want to throw my laptop on the wall.
There's a difference between imperfect and faulty. I feel like the latter.
Why is she so fjldasfjksdakjfds and why are they so fjdsafjdsafja whereas I'm just jfasfjadslfkjsadfkdsaj and LIKE FUCKING HELL I'M GONNA GET THAT FDLasjfkljdsalkfjdlsakf FUCK YOU OMG GO FUCK YOURSELVES AND TAKE THAT FUCKING CUTE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKING THINGS THAT I CAN'T FUCKING HAVE GO FUCK YOURSELVES WITH IT YOU FUCKING JERKS UGH FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCCCCCCCCCK FRUITCAKING FUCK.
/endrant
I clicked and now I just want to throw my laptop on the wall.
There's a difference between imperfect and faulty. I feel like the latter.
Why is she so fjldasfjksdakjfds and why are they so fjdsafjdsafja whereas I'm just jfasfjadslfkjsadfkdsaj and LIKE FUCKING HELL I'M GONNA GET THAT FDLasjfkljdsalkfjdlsakf FUCK YOU OMG GO FUCK YOURSELVES AND TAKE THAT FUCKING CUTE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKING THINGS THAT I CAN'T FUCKING HAVE GO FUCK YOURSELVES WITH IT YOU FUCKING JERKS UGH FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCCCCCCCCCK FRUITCAKING FUCK.
/endrant
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
A pet hate of mine.
"Do you get anywhere being a rude assface or just an assface?"
I really do wonder what happened that despite all my kicking, fussing and swearing that I'll never end up in UTAR, I did.
It's not like I didn't know what would eventually happen. Things weren't going to be along the lines of "FUCK YEAH I LOVE COLLEGE". At best, I would've probably ended up with the same friend for 3 years, and not the imaginary type ;)
Of course, things aren't really that bad. Sometimes, I have people to eat with, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go on double dates where I don't really know how to talk to the other couple because of um, language barriers. I'm not kidding when I say I feel like a lamppost in my own date sometimes. Thank God this is infrequent. The dates, I mean. Sneerssss.
There is, however, an unfortunate situation that I always stumble into though. Lemme illustrate
To clarify, Weasel and Teapot are speaking in a language I can't possibly comprehend/haven't learnt, hence the symbols.
I'll tell you exactly how I feel. I feel irritated. Anyone with some common sense when it comes to speaking would tell you it's fucking courtesy to refrain from doing that. I'm not saying don't speak in a different language, I'm just saying you shouldn't really do that in the presence of someone who doesn't understand, engaging in the same damn conversation that you're in. Of course, it's always just things you don't really want the "Me" person to know and you know what, that's even more rude. Bordering on obnoxious, you're alienating and disrespecting the other person, you're bitching (most of the time) about someone in their presence.
That's just rude, plain fucked up behaviour.
I really do wonder what happened that despite all my kicking, fussing and swearing that I'll never end up in UTAR, I did.
It's not like I didn't know what would eventually happen. Things weren't going to be along the lines of "FUCK YEAH I LOVE COLLEGE". At best, I would've probably ended up with the same friend for 3 years, and not the imaginary type ;)
Of course, things aren't really that bad. Sometimes, I have people to eat with, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go on double dates where I don't really know how to talk to the other couple because of um, language barriers. I'm not kidding when I say I feel like a lamppost in my own date sometimes. Thank God this is infrequent. The dates, I mean. Sneerssss.
There is, however, an unfortunate situation that I always stumble into though. Lemme illustrate
Weasel : %$#@%$&%$@@#$%#$^*&^$@%$#%#&^%$
Teapot: $@#%$@^&@#$^*^%&^%$#%#$
Me : .....
Weasel : $#%$%$@^@$%$^%&^%#$#@
Me : ....
To clarify, Weasel and Teapot are speaking in a language I can't possibly comprehend/haven't learnt, hence the symbols.
I'll tell you exactly how I feel. I feel irritated. Anyone with some common sense when it comes to speaking would tell you it's fucking courtesy to refrain from doing that. I'm not saying don't speak in a different language, I'm just saying you shouldn't really do that in the presence of someone who doesn't understand, engaging in the same damn conversation that you're in. Of course, it's always just things you don't really want the "Me" person to know and you know what, that's even more rude. Bordering on obnoxious, you're alienating and disrespecting the other person, you're bitching (most of the time) about someone in their presence.
That's just rude, plain fucked up behaviour.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Priority and Options
Undeveloped.
Stuck in reverse.
Second, or third?
Advantage.
Flickering.
Night.
Chemistry.
Cracks.
Reasoning and lying.
The right feeling.
Expectation/Reality.
Unfailing.
A flawed and failed logic.
Theorem.
Burden.
Time.
Love.
Time.
Love.
Priority?
Option?
Neither.
Clearly.
Stuck in reverse.
Second, or third?
Advantage.
Flickering.
Night.
Chemistry.
Cracks.
Reasoning and lying.
The right feeling.
Expectation/Reality.
Unfailing.
A flawed and failed logic.
Theorem.
Burden.
Time.
Love.
Time.
Love.
Priority?
Option?
Neither.
Clearly.
Winter by Daughter
Drifting apart like two sheets of ice, my love
Frozen hearts growing colder with time
There's no heat from our mouths
Please take me back to my rich youth
And we were in flames, I needed I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease
And now we are strange, strangers
It's different now
Gray faced
Eyes burnt out
Flames are gone
Gloves are on
I have a feeling
Love's gone back
Went to the cinema, losing our minds
With comic fever, shutting confined spaces
Lost in the dark, my heart taken
Resting on your heart
And we were in flames, I needed I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease
And now we are strange, strangers
Wait for
Me to
Degrade before
You go
Caring
Pray for
Waste of
Daylight
Speaks when
Sun burns keeping
Undeveloped
Out of revenge
And degrading
My youth and stained on our sheets
It's on a piece of me
It's on a piece of me
Winter comes
Winter crush all
I've heard things that
I once had
Frozen hearts growing colder with time
There's no heat from our mouths
Please take me back to my rich youth
And we were in flames, I needed I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease
And now we are strange, strangers
It's different now
Gray faced
Eyes burnt out
Flames are gone
Gloves are on
I have a feeling
Love's gone back
Went to the cinema, losing our minds
With comic fever, shutting confined spaces
Lost in the dark, my heart taken
Resting on your heart
And we were in flames, I needed I needed you
To run through my veins, like disease
And now we are strange, strangers
Wait for
Me to
Degrade before
You go
Caring
Pray for
Waste of
Daylight
Speaks when
Sun burns keeping
Undeveloped
Out of revenge
And degrading
My youth and stained on our sheets
It's on a piece of me
It's on a piece of me
Winter comes
Winter crush all
I've heard things that
I once had
Spiralling Down a Cylinder
Cancerous, murderous intent.
You turn me repulsed. You make me wish you were never created. You make me want to throw you out, burn you till you disappear. Smothered by smoke. You make me want to give up on the person I love the most. You burn my hopes for anything good. You engulf my dreams in a grey, suffocating smoke. You. You.
I hate it.
You turn me repulsed. You make me wish you were never created. You make me want to throw you out, burn you till you disappear. Smothered by smoke. You make me want to give up on the person I love the most. You burn my hopes for anything good. You engulf my dreams in a grey, suffocating smoke. You. You.
I hate it.
Never.
What's worst about being left alone is those stupid, inevitable thoughts that float endlessly in your mind. The words you can't seem to pluck from the air and string into a sound sentence.
Did I do something wrong. If I did, what was it?
How can I rectify something when I don't even know what's wrong? Tinker around, explore every nook and cranny in your mind. Analyse, scrutinise, question, question.
You can't expect someone to be omnipresent, they're not going to be. Their coming and going is as flitting as this moment to the next. No matter how much you try to fit them in every moment in your life, there are times where you'll be utterly, hopelessly lonely.
Perhaps then I'll realize, the world has better things to do than spare a fuck for my problems.
Did I do something wrong. If I did, what was it?
How can I rectify something when I don't even know what's wrong? Tinker around, explore every nook and cranny in your mind. Analyse, scrutinise, question, question.
You can't expect someone to be omnipresent, they're not going to be. Their coming and going is as flitting as this moment to the next. No matter how much you try to fit them in every moment in your life, there are times where you'll be utterly, hopelessly lonely.
Perhaps then I'll realize, the world has better things to do than spare a fuck for my problems.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Music.
Ra Ra Riot - Run My Mouth
Angus & Julia Stone - Big Jet Plane
In-Flight Safety - Fill Our Wounds
Bastille - Things We Lost the Fire
JayMay - Sea Green, See Blue
Coldplay - Sparks
The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way
OK Go - 1000 Miles Per Hour
Foster The People - Don't Stop
Best Coast - Up All Night
Phoenix - 1901
Ed Sheeran - Cold Coffee
Haunt - Love Song
Daughter - Amsterdam
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Now Playing: Bastille - Pompeii
Okay so I told myself to stop whinging on Twitter and Facebook. Resort to my blog instead cos this place is an emotional dumpster of all sorts.
I lost my fucking phone, gaiz.
ALL MY STUFF.
MY REDUNDANT UGLY BEAUTIFUL IMPORTANT STUFF.
If that cab driver does not return it, I..hope karma bites his ass back in the form of a very untimely..car accident or something idk why am I so violent and all fjasd fljdsaf
but if he does return it, GOD BLESS YOU.
but then again in today's world, I really don't have faith lor.
Okay so I told myself to stop whinging on Twitter and Facebook. Resort to my blog instead cos this place is an emotional dumpster of all sorts.
I lost my fucking phone, gaiz.
ALL MY STUFF.
MY REDUNDANT UGLY BEAUTIFUL IMPORTANT STUFF.
If that cab driver does not return it, I..hope karma bites his ass back in the form of a very untimely..car accident or something idk why am I so violent and all fjasd fljdsaf
but if he does return it, GOD BLESS YOU.
but then again in today's world, I really don't have faith lor.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Answers You Don't Need To Know But I'm Going To Tell You Anyway.
Now Listening : James Blake - Limit To Your Love
Oh God, I can't remember the last time I did one of these questionnaire tag thingies. Truth, I actually Googled it because I wanted to blog but for the life of me, couldn't find anything to blog about. Sad.
3. Do you have kids?
4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?
19. Favorite movie?
20. Do you have any siblings?
21. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Oh God, I can't remember the last time I did one of these questionnaire tag thingies. Truth, I actually Googled it because I wanted to blog but for the life of me, couldn't find anything to blog about. Sad.
1. Are you named after anyone?
Prophet Ezra. My parents thought I was going to be a boy and so when I popped out and went "HAH IN YO' FACE" at them, they named me Ezrianne instead. Then the registrar office omitted the 'e' at the end of my name. Bugger that.
I realized how redundant that story about the registrar is but I'll forever hate them for all mispronunciations I had to encounter in my life.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Last weekend, yesterday, today morning? I don't keep a record and personally, I don't give a damn anymore. Let dem emotions flow.
3. Do you have kids?
HAHAHAHAHAHHA. No.
4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?
That depends on whether that other person has a high tolerance for the annoying, loud, verbal and foul-mouthed.
5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Well of course not!
6. Will you ever bungee-jump?
Someday! :)
7. What's your favorite cereal?
OH GOD I GET SO EGGSITED WHEN ANYONE ASKS ME QUESTIONS ABOUT FAVOURITE FOOD. FOOD. YUMMY CRUNCHY FOOD.
Has anyone invented Bacon Crunch yet? If yes, I like that. If no, I'm patenting that.
8. What's the first thing you notice about people?
What they're wearing. Not because I'm judging them, I'm just interested in details.
9. What is your eye colour?
Black but that doesn't really exist unless you're wearing those creepy, straight-out-of-Ju-On contact lenses. So I would say..dark brown? REALLY DARK.
10. Scary movie or happy endings?
Don't scary movies usually have happy endings? Meh.
11. Favorite smells?
NEW PAINT. ESPECIALLY NIPPON. Kerosene. New furniture.
Oh God I just realized how weird those answers are.
12. Summer or winter?
I live in Malaysia. The sun is scorching, the grass dies fast and and the girls wear short shorts. I could use some snow.
13. Computer or television?
What about a working internet connection?
14. What's the furthest you've ever been from home?
Another continent.
15. Do you have any special talents?
I can make people visibly uncomfortable with my words.
16. Where were you born?
In a maternity ward.
17. What are your hobbies?
Trawling the web for indie gems. Reading because books are awesome and perhaps I should've mentioned earlier that I really like the smell of new books :D
18. Do you have any pets?
3 dogs. Black Jack, Roofie (Please don't judge me) and Tamara.
19. Favorite movie?
I have many, most of which follow the same non-linear, black-ish comedy, mindfuck-at-the-end format. If I had to name just one, it'll be Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for funzies.
20. Do you have any siblings?
An elder brother and elder sister.
21. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm 20. I'll answer this when I'm not having a quarter life psuedo-crisis.
"Walk in with no expectations, walk out with no disappointments"
Now Playing : The Shore - Waiting For The Sun
You don't dress up for the attention, the impressions. Incoming thoughts about how your dress might be too short or your flats might be gorgeous are tucked away neatly at the back of your mind. You didn't care when you dressed up, so why should you care about what looks they could attract? As long as you're neat, appropriate and happy, attention doesn't matter.
But once in a while you'll don that dress you've kept for a special occasion. Special dress, special occasion, special someone. There's only one person you might even consider impressing when you have a choice (Formalities don't matter). You would think that for someone who sees you everyday with you hair looking like the prime target for a hurricane that just passed, dressed like you really couldn't care less, it'll be a nice change to (attempt to) look pretty. So wear that dress, put on those shoes, slab on make up though you hate it, look in the mirror and hell, you're not that bad to look at.
But expect nothing except a comment objectifying you.
and then;
Realize you don't need a comment to 'complete' your day.
Realize you don't need the attention, from anyone for that fucking matter.
Realize that even if you did, will it actually change how you feel about yourself?
Realize that what you should never, ever do is let external attention be a gauge for your inner confidence.
Realize you would've been much, much happier wearing your hurricane-hair and PJs.
And you know what?
Your happiness matters.
You don't dress up for the attention, the impressions. Incoming thoughts about how your dress might be too short or your flats might be gorgeous are tucked away neatly at the back of your mind. You didn't care when you dressed up, so why should you care about what looks they could attract? As long as you're neat, appropriate and happy, attention doesn't matter.
But once in a while you'll don that dress you've kept for a special occasion. Special dress, special occasion, special someone. There's only one person you might even consider impressing when you have a choice (Formalities don't matter). You would think that for someone who sees you everyday with you hair looking like the prime target for a hurricane that just passed, dressed like you really couldn't care less, it'll be a nice change to (attempt to) look pretty. So wear that dress, put on those shoes, slab on make up though you hate it, look in the mirror and hell, you're not that bad to look at.
But expect nothing except a comment objectifying you.
and then;
Realize you don't need a comment to 'complete' your day.
Realize you don't need the attention, from anyone for that fucking matter.
Realize that even if you did, will it actually change how you feel about yourself?
Realize that what you should never, ever do is let external attention be a gauge for your inner confidence.
Realize you would've been much, much happier wearing your hurricane-hair and PJs.
And you know what?
Your happiness matters.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
La-di-da
Now Playing : Nicky Romero - Symphonica.
Okay. So I've only made it a point to blog when I'm back in Ipoh [Avoiding studies] and when I have too much to rant on. Lulz. Can I just type out a bunch of lists that I see fit? OKAY. HERE GOES.
A list of things that shouuuld be on the top of my priorities list but are currently being ostracized because I'm a lazy ass and am watching The Hangover.
1. Programming practicals. Fml, man, I'm pretty sure I screwed up my mid-term because I couldn't get over the fact that I have to 'write' my program instead of having the ease of typing it out. Can check for syntax error and all, damn beneficial. Okay, not that I'm actually well-versed in typing it out either because I usually end up with 15+ errors before I tear out all my hair, heave a deep sigh and start editing. I got 31/50 for my last practical assessment because I decided to separate too many functions. Ended up with 12 even though I just needed 6. Fail.
2. Probs and stats test next Saturday. I suppose at this point I should just give up altogether because she's already forewarned us that it's gonna be tough compared to our first test. The funny thing is that our first test was freaking tough as well. So maybe not funny. Tragic, really. Nonetheless, gotta try? No? I should go eat a cookie now.
3. Basic Professional Writing presentation. It's English. I...guess I'll be able to get through this one unless I suddenly a lingual aneurysm and spew nonsense. Oh my my.
I'm actually pretty surprised I was able to spell aneurysm without using a spell-checker. score!
So, yeah. Events in my dull life.
Watched Sanhedrin, an Easter production in CHC.
I feel insecure. I feel ugly. I take pictures. I glare at them. I edit them. I'm unsatisfied. I take more pictures. I whine. I post them anyway. Nobody would care about this less-than-average looking girl, so it's alright.
I'm ugly,
and that's alright.
Okay. So I've only made it a point to blog when I'm back in Ipoh [Avoiding studies] and when I have too much to rant on. Lulz. Can I just type out a bunch of lists that I see fit? OKAY. HERE GOES.
A list of things that shouuuld be on the top of my priorities list but are currently being ostracized because I'm a lazy ass and am watching The Hangover.
1. Programming practicals. Fml, man, I'm pretty sure I screwed up my mid-term because I couldn't get over the fact that I have to 'write' my program instead of having the ease of typing it out. Can check for syntax error and all, damn beneficial. Okay, not that I'm actually well-versed in typing it out either because I usually end up with 15+ errors before I tear out all my hair, heave a deep sigh and start editing. I got 31/50 for my last practical assessment because I decided to separate too many functions. Ended up with 12 even though I just needed 6. Fail.
2. Probs and stats test next Saturday. I suppose at this point I should just give up altogether because she's already forewarned us that it's gonna be tough compared to our first test. The funny thing is that our first test was freaking tough as well. So maybe not funny. Tragic, really. Nonetheless, gotta try? No? I should go eat a cookie now.
3. Basic Professional Writing presentation. It's English. I...guess I'll be able to get through this one unless I suddenly a lingual aneurysm and spew nonsense. Oh my my.
I'm actually pretty surprised I was able to spell aneurysm without using a spell-checker. score!
So, yeah. Events in my dull life.
Watched Sanhedrin, an Easter production in CHC.
 |
| With Aaron who can never keep a straight face in front of the camera. Dork <3 br=""> |
 |
| With Jill. Anyone who has been reading this blog, since 2007 or 2013 will know that she's my bestest friend. Ever. |
I feel insecure. I feel ugly. I take pictures. I glare at them. I edit them. I'm unsatisfied. I take more pictures. I whine. I post them anyway. Nobody would care about this less-than-average looking girl, so it's alright.
I'm ugly,
and that's alright.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
If I could.
I would like to do the world a public favour by slapping the living daylights out of:
1.Girls People who are somehow confused on what constitutes "fat" and "thin". When I mean fat, I mean overweight.
2. Said people (mostly girls) who parade around in both self-pity and self-loathing uttering "I AM SO FAT IF I SAT ON A WHALE I WOULD SUFFOCATE IT" even if their BMI is like..under 16 ._.
3. People who publicly scold other people over minor errors. Like, say, if your freakity freaking LRT token is invalid and it isn't even remotely your fault so you're on your way to taking it to the customer service counter oh but wait GODDAMN YOU MOFRICKING BASTARD ALREADY SCOLDING ME IN HINDI TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TOKEN AND GTFO FAHURK YOU.
4. Pompous aunties mocking you rudely. Pictures this: You're walking to the loo in this new building you're in, doors are on your left but they're constructed a bit deep into the wall. No signage telling you which is female or male. Obviously, you'll have to stand opposite the fruitcaking door to see which loo is for whom. OH BUT WAIT BEFORE YOU GET AROUND TO GOING TO TO CORRECT ONE HERE STRUTS A BITCHY AUNTIE GOING "What's wrong with you!? Just go inside lah!"
Well, fuck you too.
5. People...or friends who never save seats for you although you've done it countless times for them.
6. Those damn people who rush into the LRT without letting you go out.
7. PEOPLE WHO OWE ME MONEY. SCREW YOU.
8. Bitchy girls who bitchface you for no damn reason [I KNOW A BITCHFACE WHEN I SEE ONE I'M THE QUEEN OF BITCHFACES OKAY] when all you're doing is waiting for the LRT but apparently holding your boyfriend's hand is wrong because oh look, here are two girls walking past you and you catch one blatantly giving you her "I'm a judgmental bitch" look and you would think she stops but no, she whispers something to her other friend who gives you an equally distateful look.
Well, I hope your skirt gets torn by something sharp and hazardous and you have to end up scouring all over the place in search of pants to cover your bitchy bitchtacular ass.
/rant over.
1.
2. Said people (mostly girls) who parade around in both self-pity and self-loathing uttering "I AM SO FAT IF I SAT ON A WHALE I WOULD SUFFOCATE IT" even if their BMI is like..under 16 ._.
3. People who publicly scold other people over minor errors. Like, say, if your freakity freaking LRT token is invalid and it isn't even remotely your fault so you're on your way to taking it to the customer service counter oh but wait GODDAMN YOU MOFRICKING BASTARD ALREADY SCOLDING ME IN HINDI TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TOKEN AND GTFO FAHURK YOU.
4. Pompous aunties mocking you rudely. Pictures this: You're walking to the loo in this new building you're in, doors are on your left but they're constructed a bit deep into the wall. No signage telling you which is female or male. Obviously, you'll have to stand opposite the fruitcaking door to see which loo is for whom. OH BUT WAIT BEFORE YOU GET AROUND TO GOING TO TO CORRECT ONE HERE STRUTS A BITCHY AUNTIE GOING "What's wrong with you!? Just go inside lah!"
Well, fuck you too.
5. People...or friends who never save seats for you although you've done it countless times for them.
6. Those damn people who rush into the LRT without letting you go out.
7. PEOPLE WHO OWE ME MONEY. SCREW YOU.
8. Bitchy girls who bitchface you for no damn reason [I KNOW A BITCHFACE WHEN I SEE ONE I'M THE QUEEN OF BITCHFACES OKAY] when all you're doing is waiting for the LRT but apparently holding your boyfriend's hand is wrong because oh look, here are two girls walking past you and you catch one blatantly giving you her "I'm a judgmental bitch" look and you would think she stops but no, she whispers something to her other friend who gives you an equally distateful look.
Well, I hope your skirt gets torn by something sharp and hazardous and you have to end up scouring all over the place in search of pants to cover your bitchy bitchtacular ass.
/rant over.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
No No No
Now Listening : Passion Pit - Eyes as Candles
Currently parked my arse back in Ipoh for the weekend. Normally, I would've just skipped going back for the weekend to save money [70 bucks for train munny the horror] but I couldn't withstand my frustration with KL life anymore.
I felt so horribly desolate and out of place over there.
So, so homesick and stressed out beyond fixing.
I feel so bad for Aaron who had to endure my insane mood swings and sudden bouts of depression. I've lost count of how many times I ended up soaking my blanket in the middle of the night..or day for that matter.
I was a crying mess.
I'm sorry. :(
But that aside, I'm happy to be back in good ol' Ipoh. My parents just came back from their church-touring vacation in India too and naturally, they brought back a crapload of sweets. Sarees and other stuff too but I could care more for that. DEM FATTENING INDIAN SNACKS!
They brought back a lovely bottle of Sheridan's Coffee Layered Liqueur too. It tastes amazing on the rocks, didn't quite like it at first because it was a bit on the sweet side but gradually as the ice melts, the tastes gets better. Dare I say it, I like it better than Baileys ;D
Started rewatching Doctor Who from the 2005 series because it's nigh impossible to get my grubby paws on the older versions. Damn you BBC for reusing tapes. Honestly, how can anyone not love The Doctor? And CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON for that. I read this comment on an article saying how the Ninth Doctor was by far, the worst of the lot. Pretty sure I downvoted that..multiple times.
I never gave it much thought when I watched it before - probably because I was in a more immature frame of mind [not that I've progressed that much anyway ;D] - but watching Doctor Who really triggers paradigms you didn't know you could question. Maybe one day our world might just be cluttered with robots too advanced it's dangerous, humanity is stripped of free will, of the ability to rationalize..although I'm convinced half of humanity willingly disposes that. Lol.
Point : Doctor Who has always been and will most probably continue to be a good show.
I'm stuck with my calculus for now. Not that I'm complaining since.. I like calculus. I'm an Applied Maths major after all.
And yes, that's still a bit weird to say haha.
TOODLESS BITCHEZ.
Currently parked my arse back in Ipoh for the weekend. Normally, I would've just skipped going back for the weekend to save money [70 bucks for train munny the horror] but I couldn't withstand my frustration with KL life anymore.
I felt so horribly desolate and out of place over there.
So, so homesick and stressed out beyond fixing.
I feel so bad for Aaron who had to endure my insane mood swings and sudden bouts of depression. I've lost count of how many times I ended up soaking my blanket in the middle of the night..or day for that matter.
I was a crying mess.
I'm sorry. :(
But that aside, I'm happy to be back in good ol' Ipoh. My parents just came back from their church-touring vacation in India too and naturally, they brought back a crapload of sweets. Sarees and other stuff too but I could care more for that. DEM FATTENING INDIAN SNACKS!
They brought back a lovely bottle of Sheridan's Coffee Layered Liqueur too. It tastes amazing on the rocks, didn't quite like it at first because it was a bit on the sweet side but gradually as the ice melts, the tastes gets better. Dare I say it, I like it better than Baileys ;D
Started rewatching Doctor Who from the 2005 series because it's nigh impossible to get my grubby paws on the older versions. Damn you BBC for reusing tapes. Honestly, how can anyone not love The Doctor? And CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON for that. I read this comment on an article saying how the Ninth Doctor was by far, the worst of the lot. Pretty sure I downvoted that..multiple times.
I never gave it much thought when I watched it before - probably because I was in a more immature frame of mind [not that I've progressed that much anyway ;D] - but watching Doctor Who really triggers paradigms you didn't know you could question. Maybe one day our world might just be cluttered with robots too advanced it's dangerous, humanity is stripped of free will, of the ability to rationalize..although I'm convinced half of humanity willingly disposes that. Lol.
Point : Doctor Who has always been and will most probably continue to be a good show.
I'm stuck with my calculus for now. Not that I'm complaining since.. I like calculus. I'm an Applied Maths major after all.
And yes, that's still a bit weird to say haha.
TOODLESS BITCHEZ.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Our roads are converging.
Lend me a little part of your life so I can stitch it together with a little bit of mine and maybe, just maybe we'll make something special.
I have been spending too much time hanging out with Anger. She's nasty, and she brings out the worst in me. Worst, of course, is just a word compression of Irrational, Over-sensitive, Paranoid, Bitchy etc.
I feel awful and not in the sense that I feel like I've been hurt, but because I've been hurting. Throwing tantrums and subconsciously making damn sure that every week, there has to be an emotional hurricane.
Each one ends with a soft "I'm sorry." and an hour long cry about being a bitter individual.
But this, this is ludicrous. This is my fault.
Lend me a little part of your life so I can stitch it together with a little bit of mine and maybe, just maybe we'll make something special.
I have been spending too much time hanging out with Anger. She's nasty, and she brings out the worst in me. Worst, of course, is just a word compression of Irrational, Over-sensitive, Paranoid, Bitchy etc.
I feel awful and not in the sense that I feel like I've been hurt, but because I've been hurting. Throwing tantrums and subconsciously making damn sure that every week, there has to be an emotional hurricane.
Each one ends with a soft "I'm sorry." and an hour long cry about being a bitter individual.
But this, this is ludicrous. This is my fault.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Return.
"I owe an apology letter to my dear blog."
It starts off at 2am, the burning urge to blog because I've some deluded myself into thinking that I lead a colourful life that can only be confined by words on a white page. Open a tab. www.blogger.com. "I need good music for writing.". Wandering off to 8tracks and the gorgeous indie pop side of Youtube. Fall in, forget about blogging. Somehow go on Reddit. End up with one too many tabs. Turn the laptop off when too tired to function. "Oh coffee, you never work but I love my dysfunctional relationship with you." Go to sleep. Wake up. Repeat process.
Okay.
So I'm obviously making too big a deal about not blogging for a month over. I feel like I've silently betrayed myself. I had always thought I could run this thing armed with only feverish passion and an overall mediocre grasp on English. Pft. I thought I would write about everything. Movies and music and love and life.
I became lazy to even be passionate about something.
Oh self, go throw yourself off a cliff, darling.
"Either you buck up or you risk fucking up."
It's Valentine's Day.
I was in blissful shock for a while because..I'm not another manifestation of the foreveralone guy this year. LOL.
But then again, I don't know where my boyfriend is, he said something about going out to drink. I'm waiting but my bed awaits me. I hold only wishes from my three best friends. Again, I don't know where my boyfriend is.
What a difference? Pft.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Take me back.
Now listening : Friendly Fires - Pull Me Back To Earth
First day of the semester and I spent one class attempting to make friends and to a certain extent, I succeeded. By the third class, my newfound friends had deserted - for the lack of a better word - me (I even saved them seats jfasdjkfasd) and I spent the next two hours feverishly penning down calculus notes though my mind was off in another place wondering why the freakity frick I couldn't find anyone to hang out with, not even for lunch. Disregarding Aaron who's in a different course altogether and no, I can't be dogging along him all the time for the next three years.
Sigh.
It didn't help that I actually choked up a little in class and kept on muttering "Get used to it, it doesn't matter. YOU ARE FINE" and ended up releasing all that tension when I came back home. With Jen away and my dearth of course friends, I don't know what I would've done if it wasn't for him.
Uni life aside [Here's my very polite "screw you" by not mentioning anything else], I don't really have anything much going on except SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA'S SWAN SONG TOUR AND I'M NOT GOING UGH. I'd realized that I really do need to save money ):
Super annoyed.
Anyhoo, class starts in six hours and I should really sleep now. Goooonaight
"If I can keep this up long enough, goodbye occasional anti-depressants!"
First day of the semester and I spent one class attempting to make friends and to a certain extent, I succeeded. By the third class, my newfound friends had deserted - for the lack of a better word - me (I even saved them seats jfasdjkfasd) and I spent the next two hours feverishly penning down calculus notes though my mind was off in another place wondering why the freakity frick I couldn't find anyone to hang out with, not even for lunch. Disregarding Aaron who's in a different course altogether and no, I can't be dogging along him all the time for the next three years.
Sigh.
It didn't help that I actually choked up a little in class and kept on muttering "Get used to it, it doesn't matter. YOU ARE FINE" and ended up releasing all that tension when I came back home. With Jen away and my dearth of course friends, I don't know what I would've done if it wasn't for him.
Uni life aside [Here's my very polite "screw you" by not mentioning anything else], I don't really have anything much going on except SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA'S SWAN SONG TOUR AND I'M NOT GOING UGH. I'd realized that I really do need to save money ):
Super annoyed.
Anyhoo, class starts in six hours and I should really sleep now. Goooonaight
"If I can keep this up long enough, goodbye occasional anti-depressants!"
Monday, January 7, 2013
Yearly Retrospective.
Mayfield
_________________________________________________________
2012 was a year of love, essentially. Both the cutthroat hurt that plunged my life into a hole I thought I would never be able to crawl out of, and the kind that's just made of giddy effervescence and giggling madly having hand-squeezing competitions till it aches (but it's okay because we're kids, together.)
What? I never thought I would end up having to write that in a "[Insert year] in review" post too. Don't give me that look.
In retrospect, I'm glad that God put two people in my life - one to help me learn the value of words and feelings, taking something and someone for granted and how love stemmed from infatuation and almost instantaneously [words coming into play, again] spawns into something so terribly hurtful; and the other, who is my "now and hopefully, forever" to channel everything that I've learned in a positive direction.
Oh dear mother of bacon, that sounded so weird. Paraphrasing it would probably just turn this whole post into an ordeal cheesier than pecorino, which I hear is delish by the way.
Of course, I'm not going to forget that love comes in all forms. My family has remained steadfast and strong despite all the arguments and fall-outs. To boot, my parents will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary this year and I can't be any happier for them. They've grown so much with each other and in spirituality. They went through hell when my brother died and of course, I know that it still lingers in their mind but by God's grace, they came out of it and I can only pray that they will never have to experience something that devastating again. The amount of love, patience and strength I see radiating in and from them not only turns me envious [Admittedly, haha], but encouraged to try and foster all those traits.
I can only hope that I'd find happiness like that in 50 years to come.
There will never be anyone who loves you like how much I do; this much I can promise you.
_________________________________________________________
2012 was a year of love, essentially. Both the cutthroat hurt that plunged my life into a hole I thought I would never be able to crawl out of, and the kind that's just made of giddy effervescence and giggling madly having hand-squeezing competitions till it aches (but it's okay because we're kids, together.)
What? I never thought I would end up having to write that in a "[Insert year] in review" post too. Don't give me that look.
In retrospect, I'm glad that God put two people in my life - one to help me learn the value of words and feelings, taking something and someone for granted and how love stemmed from infatuation and almost instantaneously [words coming into play, again] spawns into something so terribly hurtful; and the other, who is my "now and hopefully, forever" to channel everything that I've learned in a positive direction.
Oh dear mother of bacon, that sounded so weird. Paraphrasing it would probably just turn this whole post into an ordeal cheesier than pecorino, which I hear is delish by the way.
Of course, I'm not going to forget that love comes in all forms. My family has remained steadfast and strong despite all the arguments and fall-outs. To boot, my parents will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary this year and I can't be any happier for them. They've grown so much with each other and in spirituality. They went through hell when my brother died and of course, I know that it still lingers in their mind but by God's grace, they came out of it and I can only pray that they will never have to experience something that devastating again. The amount of love, patience and strength I see radiating in and from them not only turns me envious [Admittedly, haha], but encouraged to try and foster all those traits.
I can only hope that I'd find happiness like that in 50 years to come.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
25th.
Now listening : Coldplay - Sparks
"Why do you listen to such depressing songs?"
Because I pay attention to lyrics instead of the flow, the emotion in his voice; flitting from aching to wishful to wistful and poignantly happy.
I didn't do anything different for Christmas this year. Aside from the usual going to my brother's cemetery and going for my aunt's Painfully Boring Family Gathering at her place. Pigged out on nuts since my grandaunt from Australia sent us a crapload of them. MMHMM DEM PISTACHIOS.
That was basically it. Why do I lead such a boring life?
"Why do you listen to such depressing songs?"
Because I pay attention to lyrics instead of the flow, the emotion in his voice; flitting from aching to wishful to wistful and poignantly happy.
I didn't do anything different for Christmas this year. Aside from the usual going to my brother's cemetery and going for my aunt's Painfully Boring Family Gathering at her place. Pigged out on nuts since my grandaunt from Australia sent us a crapload of them. MMHMM DEM PISTACHIOS.
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| Oh hello, cookie. |
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| Shari's dog, whose name is slipping my mind now ._. |
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| FUBAR FROOT BAR |
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| Played with fireworks that resemble sperms. No really, what is up with me and spermatic movement? .__. |
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| Addition to our household! 2 of Tamara's angels. Cleo and Theo. |
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| Experimented a ton on lippies trying to find the perfect shade of red. SUCCESS |
That was basically it. Why do I lead such a boring life?
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