You & I

A million possibilities invaded this previously empty answer space.. Little did I know that the one final answer, was one that was unhoped-for, and the one that was the most glaringly plausible as well.. It was unwanted.

Beyond my most stubborn convictions, I will admit that I was hurt. But it was a more conceited type of hurt if anything. The ache that comes not because I knew what he said was completely true, but perhaps the niggling and childish one that came from not getting what I'd wanted.

It's true that I didn't have a clear idea of what I actually wanted out of this until I was told that I couldn't attain it.. For the most part, I thought to myself and resolved to never bring anything serious up because like I said, I didn't know what I wanted in all seriousness. All I knew is that I wanted him to be there as much as possible, I liked our time together, and I was both amazed and happy that I didn't feel so miserable, at least not with him around.

Reading back the texts and summoning memories of what we did, I wish it had never been invoked in our conversation. I cannot reverse what I said, and neither can you. I admit, I was afraid of every tiny Message Received icon that came about in each passing minute. "This isn't a conversation we should be having through texts", I repeated a few times. I liked, I really liked being in that small bubble. I liked being treated like that. Was it an ego boost? I'm not sure. I don't think so. What I am certain of is that I was happy. I was happy during a time where I would probably have been very miserable out of loneliness, had it not been for you. For that, I thank you.

I'm glad that we decided to go back to how we were before this. Honestly, I would want nothing but to have someone like you to have a special place in my life, and I would also want nothing more than to play the same role in yours. But yes, you're right when I was being as silent and as ambiguous as possible. You were right when you said it wouldn't fall through. and I was right when I concurred to that.

Perhaps things will change, for better or for worse. For now, I'm satisfied with the certainity that despite everything that can go wrong, and anything that might go well,
You'll still be my friend, in the end.