Rooster Illusion

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Resonate: Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love

I sometimes wish I had half the enthusiasm I had last time for updating my blog, going on Facebook, stalking other blogs and whatnot. Most of my time and tabs are now spent on Wikipedia, Unreality, Cracked [Don't judge me dammit], Fashionista, TWITTER, occasionally Lemondrop and more or less any site based on conspiracy theories, pretty shoes and whatshiet.. Everything seems so manufactured and systemically done now that it kind of loses it's edge. Remember when blogging was actually unique and cool? Mine excluded because my blog still sucks hell hitherto and afterwards ;D

I don't know what caused this unanticipated mood shift but maybe it has to do with how I perpetually feel like a 17 year old trapped with a centenarian mentality. [Almost] everything now is just...mindnumbing and clichéd and me? I get bored easily and right now, I. Am. Painstakingly. Bored. With. Everything.

It's like how initially, I'm psyched to try all the carnival rides but after trying all of them, either one made me throw up, one had wet paint, the other was just boring and in the end, I don't like anything, reverting back to boredom.

Damn myself, everything I seemed to have such a huge adoration for last time seems so despicably unamusing now. Hell, it's even boring me as I write this. Even One Way don't Tweet as often as they did before but ohhhhh totally redundant. Anyhoo, I can't tell if this 'thing' is just arbitrary or forced on by looking at people going "OHH HAYYY, I GOT A NEW BLOG/TWITTERRR" because yeah, I've already moved past that stage. That n00blet phase [Crap, I misspelled that as booblet. No judgingg], been there done that.

It's like as if my life (now) is a revolving door, and I'm caught in-between. Stress for fun [or lack-there-of], fun substituting priorities, deteriorating health and altogether damnation. I'm not generalizing, saying no one else faces this. I'm just saying, I'M not good at facing all this. I can't take the pressure. I hate getting sick. I hate the fact that I suck at managing my time. I hate the fact that I put everything unneeded at the front. I especially hate the fact that when I try to put things at the right place, they end up shifting.

By nature, I'm a control freak and I can't stand to see things get out of way but dammit, I can't do anything. To feel powerless is what's making me so damn annoyed, jaded even. Altogether HATEFUL. Now that sucks. For fear that I'm sounding like an annoying teenager [bummer], I am....going to try to sound like an adult.......

Ahhh phail. It's contradicting my "17 year old self trapped with a centenarian mentality" Heh. Y'know, I sometimes wish I was born in a different era, different place. Again, this comes from not fitting in with anything now, I'm guessing.. I'd rather be in the 17th century, in Italy. Florence, specifically. Or Manhattan, 1930's to 40's. Or London, late 19th century. It would be insane. It'd be endearing to live in those years, those places. Probably because of the simplicity of life. Minus the 19th century part, it would be nice. Not living with..temptation and redundancy. To have life, as simple, simple as possible.

Or I'd end up dead thanks to my skin colour. Pffft. I should be satisfied.

I just realized what I started with has nothing to do with what I ended. Again, I've gone horribly off-topic. This probably stemmed from my trivial, trivial, treeeeeviiiiiallllllllll self.

Menyampah sial.