Craft.

My life as of right now.
I could whine about the blankness of it, knowing it'll be nothing more than an unread paragraph against a white page. Excusing the recklessness, I..could go out and make it worthwhile. Maybe I'll die trying to be a sports car driver, base jumper or professional Starcraft player [R.I.P dude].

Maybe I won't die because it's just not my time yet. I can say with certainty though, that I'm not going to know if I'm sitting here being all nonchalant and jaded and bored. Yes, bored.

So, I'm begging you in the worst response-inducing way possible, whom it my concern, to let me..go out there...and try to give myself reason to start believing that the fact I'm here accounts for something. That something is out there, and I'm right here and as long as I continue to stand here, without moving, I'm never going to be there any time soon to see that 'something.'

It could be a job? Or a convent calling. Relief efforts in South Africa. A happy career in plastics and reconstructive? I don't know, and neither do you know enough to make a raw assumption that I can't and won't be able to handle it.

I know I'm asking for a risk. But this thread is only going to go shorter and thinner if I'm not allowed to make a mistake and pick the hell up.. I'm thinking of all the time I'm wasting trying to convince you compared with how productive I'm able to make it if you just damnwell let me do what I want.

I'm young but not necessarily stupid. Maybe I'm not experienced, but it's indisputable and you can't argue with the fact that I cannot be leaching off someone else's experience and mistake. I need to learn independently and it's not going to happen if you've put this barrier for me between here and there.

Does any of this even matter?

Maybe in years to come, when I look and wonder why my pencil's blue but its eraser is black and its tip pink, or when I wonder why I suddenly have this urge to grin like an idiot when I hear the word "diet" or "surprise", I'll remember to thank the few people who gave me a reason to continue living even when I didn't or couldn't or God forbid, shouldn't have. I don't mean much to the world, but there's a lot in the world that means more than..well..the world to me.