Retrospect.

I could go back to a time when the biggest problem in the world was when I complained that my teacher was "a ruthless bitch" and hoped no one would rat me out.
I could go back to a time when not having hair long enough was the only thing I wanted to overcome.
I could go back to a time when my biggest pet peeve was having round brackets in my iTunes. It still is, sorta.
I could go back to a time when university applications and Undergraduate Woes were replaced by Boss Battles and How to Turn On the Modem Like a Ninja-brainstorming.
I could go back to a time when loneliness could've been something I wanted. Times when screams got louder, ties became loose and too many bridges were on the way to being burnt. Or not.

I could go back to a time when loneliness wasn't the worst thing in the world. The worst thing in the world would've been playing Devil May Cry for 3 hours sans saving only to have your console shut down, of course. Damn it.

I could go back to a time when all these thoughts about having someone to hold and be held by were replaced by mental illustrations of To Kill a Mockingbird and The Wind-up Bird Chronicle.

I could go back to a time when I felt depression was just a fancy word for "I'm unreasonably sad, so I whine."

I could go back to a time when all of us were 20 minutes away from each other.

I could go back to a time when: My brother was still alive.

I could go back to a time when I didn't coax myself into "trying" because it came all to naturally. All in sync.

I could go back to a time when crying about uncontrollable circumstances wasn't a nightly ritual.Spineless little freak.

I could go back to a time when my blog posts were not about how ridiculously, pathetically, hurtfully lonely and sad I've been feeling the past year and a half.

I could, of course. But this would all be only in my head.