Day 1!

I've been reading up on some accounts on how people handle depression and borderline personality disorder [Double trouble SCORE!] other than resorting to meds because honestly, I don't see myself wanting to get hooked on anti-depressants for the next ten years. Dr Esther says I'll have to go on for another 9 months and at that point, we'll gauge too see if I should continue or taper off. So far, so good but the medical bills and drug costs are bitches to be dealt with. Eck.

So after enough midnight Googling to damage my eyes and trawling obscure subreddits, I found some useful links on meditation. Also, Dr Chen (My super helpful Calculus lecturer who's both a friend and mentor!) recommended a book to cope with my condition. It's about an ancient Hawaiian practice called Hoʻoponopono and I have to say for someone who doubts the impact of self-help books and whatnot, I'm really happy with the outcome. Granted, it's too soon to actually draw a solid conclusion but so far so good. Onwards and upwards (:

Post title is self-explanatory; it was my first day trying out some exercises on mindfulness. It's basically sitting there for a period of time in a state that's not exactly trance but actively engaging in the present. Basically, you sit there and meditate on the "NOW", on a moment-to-moment basis. Interested? Go search it yourself :P

I thought it'll be pretty helpful if I were to document my daily sessions so if I ever become skeptical about its uses, I'll just pop on by and read. I could probably use a diary, but I actually want people to read my accounts and maybe, just maybe it'll serve as some help.

I was a little hesitant on trying but what the hell, I had nothing to lose anyway. It's a real challenge for your mind to focus, I know mine tried to drift about somewhere else and I had to mentally yank it back to position. I tried counting, but I realized too soon that my brain tends to go on autopilot. A better idea would be to count backwards since it requires a little more brainpower IMO. I kept on thinking "WHENNNNNNNN WILL THIS 10 MINUTES END UGH?!" but I had to yank and keep forward.

After the 10 minutes, I didn't feel that different. I wonder if I did anything wrong but I doubted it. The surrounding did feel a little surreal, but I wasn't immediately cleansed of all my negative energy and whatnot. Still, it's too soon to decide. I'm gonna continue tomorrow :D